Counting the eight years I spent living in Worcester, MA and the 12 years that have passed since I moved back home, I've spent most of the past two decades bouncing around from one mindless, unsatisfying job to the next soul-sucking, dead end gig, getting fired for various bullshit reasons, and living on little to no money; a 20-year blur of being bored, broke, and drunk. Very drunk. Depressed. And lonely.
Meandering through the minefields of my own misery and misfortune, massive mistakes were made. A laundry list of love lost. Largely lethargic, I lingered lazily, lamenting my latest loathsome Lemony Snicket which left me looking at…legal liabilities. Magically, at my life’s lowest level, Lady Luck landed in my lap, and at long last led me to light.
My lord that was lengthy and loquacious. Enough lollygagging. LOL. Allow me to elocute in Layman’s lingo: A high school friend of my lady got brain cancer and needed a ride to chemotherapy so she gave her a lift. En route, her passenger dropped a tip about a bartending job opening in Stowe. Literally half a lifetime ago I labored for a different lineup in the same locale. I lumbered in like a local legend and landed a job immediately. Little did I know it would be…lucrative!
Alllllllright. I think that’s quite enough of whatever the fuck that was. Where was I? Oh. Right. This seemingly shitty sequence of situations - getting fired, getting in trouble, COVID, and this woman getting brain cancer - somehow resolved itself and suddenly I stumbled ass backwards into success, makin’ some serious scharole; certainly sufficient to finally fulfill my foremost fantasy of flying to…FUCK…I’m doing it again. Forgive me. What I've always wanted was to drink whiskey out of a pineapple in Waikiki and let the waves wash over me while we watch the sunset. There. I think it’s outta my system now. Moving along.
Oh…one more thing. A motherfucking Hawaiian beach rainbow showed up just for us. How sick is that?!
Wait…two more things. Set your sights on that sexy sunset. (Seriously. Somebody stop me.)
During my time in Hawaii, the plan was to just relax. Forget about all the bullshit I read on a daily basis, clear my head, and have fun. And for the most part, I did. It was a much needed break for my brain. I even dumped the moped over on the road and tore up my arm. The road rash would not ruin this retreat.
On the way back from our shark swimming trip on Oahu, the road followed some factory farms featuring freshly fertilized fields. I turn my noggin to the far edge of my periph. I fancied it just a figment, but unfortunately, I found myself face-to-face with a sign that read "Monsanto." Fuck off.
In February, my friend informed me that fossil fuels had found their way in to families’ faucets from faulty federal facilities. Drinking water had been contaminated from leaky Navy gas tanks. So I asked him what he knew about this. He didn't seem to have any inside information on Monsanto's operations on the island, so I made a mental note to look in to the matter when I got back to VT.
To my supreme shock and surprise...I discover that just two months prior, January 2022, Monsanto had to plead guilty to 30 misdemeanor criminal charges and 2 felonies for illegally spraying pesticides on corn crops and illegally storing hazardous waste.1 Weird. Anyone feel like they’ve heard this one before about these evil motherfuckers spreading their poisons around the globe illegally? It sounds vaguely familiar. Now, obviously Monsanto (Bayer) will tell you this product is perfectly safe when used appropriately, but Bayer also made Zyklon B for Hitler2 and Monsanto made Agent Orange for the Vietnam War3, so maybe we should stop listening to these fucking savages.
The product used in this case in Hawaii is called Forfeit 280. They can claim that it's safe all they fucking please, but the reality of the situation is that it's so "safe" that no humans are allowed in the fields for six days after application. Does that sound safe to you? They pleaded guilty to 30 misdemeanor counts of environmental crimes by allowing their own employees to return to the fields before the six day safety period had passed. They also pleaded guilty to 2 felony charges for illegal storage of "acute hazardous waste." Their punishment was $11 million in fines, three years probation, and required participation in a comprehensive environmental compliance program that includes third-party auditor. Wrist slaps for a company with a $60 billion market cap. In 2014, Monsanto did the same exact thing on Maui with a hazardous chemical known as Penncap-M. Penncap-M is so “safe” that humans are not allowed in the fields for 31 days after application. Monsanto told their employees it was safe to go back after 7 days. And once again they illegally transported and stored Penncap-M hazardous waste on Molokai and multiple locations on Maui. That cost them an insignificant $20 million. But enough with the facts…let’s get in to…
MY 2 CENTS©️?!?
Bayer should be permanently banned from Hawaii and everywhere else they’ve sprayed their toxic products, and prohibited from any activity related to the agriculture industry. Every single scum bag involved in this operation should be locked up, although I suspect that is out of the question seeing as how Monsanto leases this land near Schofield Barracks from the US military.4 These lawsuits are a joke. These people know what they're doing. They know it's illegal. And they do it anyway. They simply do not care. They care so little, in fact, that they repeatedly send their own fucking employees in to be exposed to this shit. If that's how they treat their own workers...I can't imagine they give the slightest shit about other people. And I don't know this for sure, but I'd bet $100 without looking that their employees are poor, local Hawaiians who were promised "jobs" and "economic growth" and all that other happy horse shit when Monsanto came to town, and are now being grossly taken advantage of and potentially exposed toxic pesticides by the swine that run the company. Shut 'em down. Fuck 'em. That’s what I say. They continually and knowingly engage in the exact same pattern of shady and reckless behavior all over the world, and usually in poor neighborhoods, which this area appeared to be. A silly government mandated compliance program is not gonna magically change their corporate culture or turn them in to decent human beings. Selling poison is what they do. If people get sick or die...oh well. That's just the cost of doing business for these companies. It's disgusting.
Seriously...are they not growing enough corn here on the mainland? They gotta setup shop on a remote archipelago and pollute paradise for profit as well? On a related side, I do feel it’s worth noting that corn can be grown WITHOUT pesticides. As can pretty much everything. Before companies like Monsanto, plants had a fairly long track record of doing just fine on their own. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but, they’re kind of all over the fucking place. Hell…I've seen her grow corn in the backyard with just water and it’s no problem. Unfortunately...when a company scales itself to such massive proportions…as all of the Big Ag and food companies are structured…and they grow one type of one crop...they have to bring out the chemicals cuz their weak ass crops are susceptible to all kinds of pests and diseases.
I could go on for a while here but I'll wrap the following thoughts:
The alliteration was absolute nonsense. It went on for WAY too long, and frankly I’m glad it finally fizzled out, for fuck’s sake.
Bayer is straight up evil. Let ‘em rot.
We have allowed massive chemical companies - at least one of which literally worked with Hitler to murder Jews during the holocaust - to damn near monopolize our food supply and serve us poison and I firmly believe that this poison is a major factor in the rise of cancers and autoimmune diseases and various other chronic health conditions we are now seeing.
The current setup is ass backwards (unless you’re Monsanto.) This whole notion of "scale" is leading us down a path of corporate consolidation and mergers that leave us fewer and fewer options and will only bring with it more poisons as these operations continue to degrade the air, land and water.
Small-scale, localized farming and food production and distribution with a broad range of biodiverse crops is the obvious solution. It would reduce pesticide use. It would reduce wasteful packaging. It would reduce emissions from vehicles used to transport avocados from Mexico to Vermont so you can have your toast. And it would reduce the use of preservatives that are added to products to keep them fresh long enough to get to your mouth.
Large-scale factory farming and food production appears to be killing the planet. If we do not rapidly change course away from this model, I would venture to guess it will end up killing a lot of us too. I don't have kids and I'll probably be dead before it gets really bad, but some of you do have kids and the situation that will be dumped in their laps when you die is not going to be pretty.
But I see a clear and direct way out of this. What is the one thing monopolists hate? Anybody? Bueller? Competition. Imagine if we all start doing some of that tree-hugger, hippie and using our property to grow food instead of growing useless grass!! I realize not everyone has property or room to grow food, but a lot of people do. Think it over. Knock it around your noggin tonight. Bayer would hemorrhage money out the ass. If we stopped eating their garbage, their share price would plummet and they might be forced to grow food that isn't laced with chemicals instead. And wouldn't it be awesome to put an evil company like Monsanto in a pickle like that? Yes. Yes it would. We should try it sometime!
Anyway...just some food for thought. That 2 CENTS managed to turn itself in to a whole roll of pennies…so I'm ready to shut up now. And make sure you get a look at how stupid the footnotes are. I don’t know why Substack has such a hard time putting the numbers in the right spot. It’s really irritating to look at. But…it can’t be fixed. I wanna talk to the manager!